ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
