It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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