I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
