fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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