Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she peed on how many people?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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