So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
