my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
