Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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