you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
