Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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