just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
