census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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