Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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