I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
