Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
