he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
