youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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