When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
