i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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