I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
