My friends, they love my intelligence
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
