i was born a porn star she said
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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