Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
