you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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