No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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