i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
