Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
