She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
