my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
