It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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