Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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