Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
