I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
