i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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