you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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