she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
