I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
