things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
