I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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