covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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