did you get engaged???
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
