hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
