I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
