Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
