I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
