i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
