I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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