it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
