have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
