if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
